I Spent Independence Day Copying the Constitution By Hand

Here’s what I learned

Best Fourth of July setup ever. Don’t @me.

Here are some things I did very badly in my teens:

• Math
• Boyfriends
• Parental relations
• Personal style
• Government class

This last would not ordinarily rankle so much — after all, we have all have things that we gravitate to more naturally. Except, not only was I terrible student in Mr. Palmer’s government class in high school, I was also a terrible student in Dr. R’s government class in college. It was a nightmare. I really could not be bothered with any of it. I hated the Federalist Papers. I distinctly remember being bored out of my wits in government classes in high school, and I tell you what, when you can distinctly remember being bored out of your wits, there’s something going on.

In college, I was so bad at understanding government that an absolute jerkface classmate told me that people like me were the reason America was going to pot. (I just couldn’t remember what the GAO* stood for, that’s all.)

Anyway. We are more or less beyond that now (more or less; it still stings to recall), and I have learned a lot about our government and the way it works since then, but I still have never read the…